Tag Archives: rant

Dear Joburg, I’m annoyed with you


Dear Joburg,

I’ve had some time to think about our relationship while we were on a break, and I’ve decided that I am not okay with how things are going.

Your roads are death traps. Aggression, aggression, aggression. At every intersection, main road, side street, quiet lane, anywhere I venture out in my car I am met with aggression mixed with stupidity. I refuse to speed up way past the speed limit because some wanktard is in a hurry and driving up my ass. Unauthorised back-entry is rude, my friend, and not socially acceptable. Leave 5 minutes earlier if you need to, but don’t make it my problem. I also refuse to drive through a red traffic light because you are hooting behind me. It’s red. Red means stop, fool. I don’t care that the road is clear enough for me to sneak through. It’s a red traffic light. Did they not teach you that in nursery school? Should we take you back there?

I don’t enjoy waiting at my driveway for 10 minutes while the taxi blocks the entire entrance while it offloads and on-loads far too many people than is safe. And you’re IN MY DRIVEWAY!

I don’t enjoy the competition to be the best, the biggest, the richest, drive the sexiest car, have the most Twitter followers, be retweeted by some lonely dork behind his Mac who happens to be big online, or to define my worth by the brands I wear or associate with.

I don’t enjoy that shopping is an activity. And that smacking a wannabe model into a promotional campaign to help you dress yourself is actually exciting. I don’t enjoy that there is a handful of people that you HAVE to associate with to boost your reputation and to get the “favours” you need to succeed. I don’t like that you can hardly trust a Joburg blogger these days because they’re likely being paid or getting free products for everything they write and sincerity no longer exists.

I don’t enjoy that your men think that women are objects and have forgotten how to care about anything other than their image and the way that others perceive them. When did you become a cesspool of douchebaggery?

I don’t like that I am constantly on guard, wandering what people’s ulterior motives are or what they’re looking to steal from me.

I think we should break up.


Dear Airlines, I’m Hungry


Long-haul flights are painful. No matter how many baby wine bottles or Blood Marys you give me, they are still painful. The highlight of the flight is the meal sessions, because something is going on and we can do something while watching movies (when is in-flight Internet going to be a thing?).

What makes it even more painful, is the illogical ‘special meals’ system that you have going on.

I’m a vegetarian. Not anything too weird, I just don’t eat meat. I’m not too anal about the whole thing either, as long as there is not a dead animal in my meal and it’s decent, I’m happy. Now I understand that there are some anal folk out there, and that you have tried to trick us all into thinking that you cater for everyone by your very many types of vegetarian options and special meals, but it really doesn’t make too much sense.

I’ve always chosen the vegetarian lacto-ovo option, which is really just a normal vegetarian meal that includes eggs and dairy (it took me a while to figure out what it was in the beginning). I.e. Normal people food, without dead animals. Not vegan – vegan is all about not consuming any animal by-products, so eggs or dairy is definitely not an option in these kind of meals.  It’s really not difficult to understand.

So PLEASE tell me why I always get a vegan meal, labelled as vegetarian lacto-ovo? No cheese, no dairy, not anything much, really. Even when there is a perfectly suitable vegetarian option on the ‘normal people’s menu’, I’m not allowed to have it, because I ordered a ‘special meal’ (which does not actually match the ‘specialness’ that I ordered).

So while others are happily munching away on their pumpkin ravioli with Napolitana sauce, cheese and biscuits and nice full salad with dressing and cheesecake for dessert,  I am picking at a vegetable pasta and a dry salad, topped off with a bunch of grapes. Well, to be more accurate, because I got my ‘special meal’ early, I’m looking at the leftovers of my disappointing meal while drooling over the cheese on the tray next to me.

Yeah, don’t judge me on the number of Bloody Marys I’ve ordered, I’m hungry, dammit.

Kind regards,
The Hungry Vegetarian

Hate to Love – The Valentine’s Day Saga

I’m not one that’s into Valentine’s day, or much romance at all, but this year I rolled on into Valentine’s Day with a ball of misery.

I faceplanted into Monday after a weekend from which you never want to leave. I then severely botched a meeting that would have been an amazing opportunity for me and which I really need right now. I then got hit in the face with no, not just Tuesday, but Valentine’s Day.

This silly and ridiculous day always brings something to stress about – whether in a relationship or not. What am I going to buy him, will he like it, what are we going to do, what can I afford, am I really happy with him, spending V-Day alone, should I go to a V-Day party, is there such a thing as love...the list is endless. It’s a day of unnecessary stress and self flagellation.

I’m sure that there are couples out there who enjoy this day, getting all loved up and spoilt, but more often than not it’s a dark day of reflection. I stayed away from social media yesterday – it’s just too ridiculous for me to comprehend: “I love you so much my baby, my everything”…tell them, not Facebook!

No, I’m not a bitter singleton, I’m a happy one. But I do believe that the people that gain the most from this silly little day is the retailers.

Nonetheless, I had a lovely evening with my closests (wine, cheese, chocolates and amazing company) and it was definitely the best V-Day I’ve ever had.

Show the people you love every day that you love them – you don’t need a pre-allocated and overpriced day to do it.

The Fat Vegetarian

If you read my blog often you’ll know that I am quite peaceful vegetarian and don’t push my dietary choices on anyone else, ever. From time to time, though, I do need to have a rant at the ignorance of others towards vegetarianism.

I am a firm believer in accommodating others’ beliefs and most people generally are too…except when it comes to vegetarians. It’s like as soon as you utter the ‘V’ word, you become a disgrace to society and a disappointment to the human race. If certain religious beliefs require you to abstain from certain foods, e.g. Pork in the Jewish faith, how is this acceptable to others whereas vegetarianism is not?

From now on I’ll just call it ‘V’ so as not to offend anyone. Like the ‘F’ word sounds much more PC than swearing directly on my blog.

I think it is far more difficult in a rampant meat-eating country like South Africa to have a non-meat diet, which is why you lucky readers get to hear my rants from time to time.

I’m at a beautiful resort in the Transkei at the moment, which I’ll blog about when I’m back, with fully catered meals 3 times a day. The mass of food is insane, and the variety is crazy…yet I am still struggling to have a healthy ‘V’ diet here.

Any other ‘V’s out there will know how this is so, as the mentality seems to be: ‘What should we feed these stupid ‘V’s? I know, whatever we would feed the ‘normal’ people, but without the meat.’

So we end up with side veggies and potatoes most of the time (Oh ‘F’, should I have used the ‘V’ for that too?). Or a ‘V’ pasta with leftover veggies and loads of oil tossed in pasta. Or some sort of pasta bake drowned in a creamy cheese sauce. Or my personal FAVOURITE…spinach and feta in some sort of oily pastry.

I may be a bit dramatic in this post, but it honestly does not make sense to me. Generally speaking, ‘V’s are health-conscious people, so why would caterers want to feed us such rich and starchy rubbish?

In a world that is falling apart and being raped of resources (much of this is attributed to meat production) many people are already more socially aware of their impact on the environment and their general health. Where is South Africa in this debate? Nowhere.

At least be accommodating of other people’s beliefs and lifestyles, whatever they are. It helps. A lot.

On that note, let’s all go hug a tree and pray for a ‘V’.

So I don’t eat meat…*shock horror* – Vegetarian Rant

So I don’t eat meat.

Is that such an issue? I am constantly ragged about the fact that I choose not to put animal meat into my body and it annoys me to no end, so this is my little rant to release all of that negative energy.

I live in South Africa, which means that a lot of the culture in this country surrounds meat – hunting it, eating it, drying it, braaing it, which makes it a big issue to some people when they meet a vegetarian. So let me address a few “oh my god, you’re a vegetarian” comments:

1. Why would you choose to stop eating meat?

There are honestly hundreds of reasons for not eating meat, which I have never pushed onto anyone at all. If you are interested in understanding this, there is a brilliant list here on the Greenside Cafe website which state very simply 101 reasons to go veg. Some will really make you think more about what you put into your own body and also the impact that it has on the world we live in, so I hope you do read it.

2. But what do you eat?

This is my absolute favourite. Because clearly if you don’t eat meat, there is nothing in the world that you can eat and you will starve and die a slow, tasteless death. Vegetarian food is far tastier than any meat dish I have ever had (I have not been vegetarian my whole life, so yes, I have eaten meat before and no, I don’t miss it). Vegetarian food is so much tastier than meat dishes because it doesn’t rely on the taste of animal juices for its flavour. You actually have to think about the different tastes and textures that you are putting into your food and end up with a far more creative and flavourful meal. They are also far healthier because as a vegetarian, you always need to ensure that you are getting enough protein, fats, omegas etc. in your food and so actually design your meals around nutrition as well as taste.

3. So how do you go to a braai without meat?

The last time I checked, a braai (barbecue) in South Africa was about the social gathering, not the meat.

4. So how do you get your protein?

You would actually be surprised at how little protein you actually need in a day and at how many different kinds of foods contain protein. I’m not going to go into a technical discussion here, but yes it is possible to get enough of the right kind of protein without needing meat.

5. Isn’t it boring?

Refer to point 2 above. I LOVE food, and I mean really LOVE food. No, it isn’t boring, it’s very very interesting…try it, I dare you.

6. Do you mind if other people eat meat around you?

Of course not! Who am I to judge other people’s eating choices?

7. But is that healthy?


Seriously, it’s nothing to freak out about.

In the end, it is my body and my own well-being and I definitely get to decide what I put into my body without having to explain myself at every meal. If someone doesn’t like olives, for instance, it would really not be a big deal, you would just say “Oh”. But say the “V” word and the whole world falls apart.

My body, my mind, my decisions.

*Rant over*