The low-down on online dating. I tried it. It sucked.


Over a coffee catch-up with a friend, we decided that this whole single thing is BS and we should try online dating. I didn’t see myself as an online dater (I had the impression that it is for some serious dorks with no people skills who can’t really make it out there in the real world), but having a partner in crime and a ‘what’s there to lose’ attitude, I decided to give it a go. We set up our dating profiles and carried on with our lives.

Checking back a few days later, I realised I was a hit! Mostly with guys who were looking for a one night stand, couldn’t spell, or thought that telling me I’m beautiful and sexy is a great opening line.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit A

Exhibit B:

Exhibit B

Exhibit C:

Exhibit C

I got hit on by a guy called “iaretarded” and received a very interesting proposal from a woman who said that she and her husband checked me out and really liked what they saw – would I like to meet them?

I did chat to some seemingly decent human beings. I agreed to go on a real life date with one of them. He turned out to be about half a metre shorter than his profile said he was and looked nothing like his profile picture. He also got lost 3 times to the restaurant (which is in his own area), brought his own wine and bored me to death.

I ummed and aahed about accepting another real life date proposal with another seemingly decent human being, but gave it a go. I landed a big project on date day, so had to postpone. He then went mental on me, calling me all sorts of names and really tried hard to make me feel bad about it. Wow.

I am also apparently very attractive to Middle Eastern businessmen who would love to have some company on their South African trip. All expenses paid – I just need to agree and we can hang out in their very expensive hotel, drinking champagne.

After a month or two of this madness, I shut down all my dating profiles, never to be visited again. After chatting to some other friends who tried online dating, I realised that I got out just in time. Apparently I was a message or two away from penis pictures in my face. IN MY FACE.

That being said, the friend who signed up with me in the beginning met an amazing woman, they are now crazy in love and he is very happy. She is also very normal.

And that, my friends, is the reality of online dating. It may work for some, but it is definitely not for me! I truly believe in the magic of meeting and connecting with a person in real life. You don’t get that online.


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