‘Things my mother taught me’

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I’m not sure who the author of this is, but I did have a little giggle!

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there – I hope you feel special today after all that you have done for us.

“My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done – “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside – I just finished cleaning!”
My mother taught me RELIGION – “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL – “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
My mother taught me LOGIC – “Because I said so, that’s why.”
My mother taught me FORESIGHT- “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
My mother taught me IRONY – “Keep laughing and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS – “Shut your mouth and eat your supper!”
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM – “Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!”
My mother taught me about STAMINA – “You’ll sit there ’till all that spinach is finished.”
My mother taught me about WEATHER – “It looks as if a tornado swept through your room.”
My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS –
“If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?”
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY – “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times – Don’t exaggerate!!!”
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE – “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION – “Stop acting like a two year old!”
My mother taught me about ENVY – “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do!”

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